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Maybe like me, you've seen the various social media posts and articles covering recent food allergy-related fatalities and near misses that have been circulating within the food allergy community. Understandably so, these kinds of stories tend to stir up food allergy-related worries which may even try and dominate your every thought.
As such, I felt compelled to share my clinical thoughts on the following topic:
Does everyone diagnosed with food allergies live in fear?
The simple answer to that question is: No. But that doesn't mean fear isn't present in the lives of those that live with food allergies.
So what's the difference between living in fear and experiencing fear? Let's explore.
Food allergies and living in fear
The simplistic definition of living in fear is to live life always being afraid. Living with this constant fear probably keeps you from engaging in a variety of life experiences and holds you back from trying new things.
If you're living in fear, you might notice yourself in fight or flight much of the time, which is a physical stress response that often makes you feel jumpy and nervous, with a racing heart, unsettled stomach, and an urge to run or fight to protect yourself or your child.
Living in fear also likely makes you feel unequipped to handle stressful situations, especially ones that you fear such as experiencing an allergic reaction.
While life in general includes navigating uncertainty and unpredictability, when living with food allergies, there's an additional layer of these two elements which can easily elicit fear and worry.
But living with food allergies doesn't automatically mean you are going to go through life living in fear! Yes, you will experience fear brought on by different situations, but that's part of being human -- food allergies or not.
Experiencing fear when living with food allergies
All humans experience fear and the fight or flight stress response at various times throughout life. That's normal and expected, especially when living with food allergies.
Yet unlike living in fear, experiencing fear when living with food allergies looks like having moments in your life when you feel fearful yet can still make choices that aren't based on that fear, as opposed to letting that fear lead the way all the time.
Yes, there may be specific things that elicit fear, but because you're not living in fear, you're more willing to explore possible plans and solutions that allow you to pursue these meaningful experiences. And even if you can't navigate them safely, you at least allow yourself to explore the possibility rather than automatically writing the experiences off due to fear.
Here are some examples to help illustrate the difference between living in fear and experiencing fear when living with food allergies:
Living in fear:
Assuming experiences like airplane travel are unsafe because you have a food allergy
Automatically avoiding all restaurants without exploring if they can accommodate or if you can stay safe eating there
Avoiding any new experience because it makes you feel anxious and worried
Only doing things if you can have 100% certainty of safety (which isn't possible)
Letting fear dictate all your choices rather than letting it help you assess allergen safety
Experiencing fear:
Noticing fear about airplane travel and discussing with your allergist
Having strategies to assess safety and keep yourself at restaurants, especially when fearful
Knowing what things elicit fear and having a plan to manage the fear you feel
Being open-minded and willing to explore if something is safe enough to do
Recognizing that fear-based thoughts and physical sensations are okay to experience and can help you assess safety, but don't automatically mean that something is unsafe
Can you notice the difference between living in fear and experiencing fear when living with food allergies?
Are you able to determine if you're living in fear or having moments where you're experiencing food allergy-related fear?
What to do if you're living in fear with food allergies
If you notice that you're living in fear with food allergies -- or living in fear throughout life in general -- the first thing to do is to be proud of yourself for noticing and being honest with yourself....because that's not always easy to do!
Next, keep a journal where you can write down the experiences and situations which elicit the most fear for you. Also write down how you respond to these fears -- do you avoid situations beyond what is necessary for food allergy safety? Do you spend hours online trying to find information to calm your fears? Do you notice the fear spilling over into other areas of your life, too? Write down as many details as you can, as this insight will be helpful.
Then reach out to your allergist (or your child's allergist) to address specific food allergy-related fears so they can provide you with information that might help decrease the intensity of your fears.
One specific conversation to have with your allergist that can help you address food allergy-related fear is learning how to evaluate food allergy risks and determine which ones are actual risks versus perceived (that is, when your mind tells you something is risky even if it's not or not as risky as you think).
If you notice the intensity and frequency of your fear is impacting your daily functioning or keeping you from living the life you want to live (which living in fear can easily do), then don't hesitate to reach out to a licensed therapist. If you're looking for an allergy-informed therapist, check out ones listed in your state on The Food Allergy Counseling Directory, a well-respected resource I founded in 2018 and am still the Chief Advisor for.
Notice when social media messages about living with food allergies pushes you towards living in fear
One final, yet important note about living in fear is to notice when social media messages about living with food allergies pushes you towards living in fear.
For instance, when I see messaging that encourages people to automatically avoid an experience or completely boycott something, it makes me sad. Going to extremes -- on either side of the "always" or "never" spectrum -- is rarely necessary and perpetuates the idea that living with food allergies means always having to live in fear of an allergic reaction. What's more, this kind of messaging can easily push people to engage in life-limiting behaviors beyond what is necessary for staying safe, which can impact quality of life and lead to living in fear.
Yet, just because you're living with a food allergy doesn't mean you have to live in fear. It also doesn't mean that you have to live by extremes. It IS possible to experience fear and STILL pursue meaningful experiences in safe ways while living with food allergies!
Therefore, if you notice social media messages eliciting fear and pushing your mind to engage with unhelpful narratives about life always being unsafe, my advice is to remind yourself that not everything you read will be helpful, and then keep scrolling past these posts!