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You may have heard about the US Surgeon General's recent advisory* on the mental health and well-being of parents.
Or maybe you didn't.
Either way, if you're a parent or know parents (and who doesn't), this article is important to read. It shares the key data and takeaways from this recent advisory, as well as tips for nurturing parental mental health and well-being even in the face of today's stressors.
Before you continue to read this article , please see these disclaimers:
This article isn't specific to parents of children with food allergies and allergic conditions, so please feel free to share with ALL parents!
This article is not politically-focused. As a marriage and family therapist, the health and well-being of families is important to me, which is why I wanted to highlight the topic and share this important information.
Parental Mental Health & Well-Being: What Data From This Advisory Tells Us
Parenting has always had its challenges - just ask your own parents and grandparents.
The stressors parents experience often change as their child goes through various ages and stages. These can include common parental stressors such as:
Adjusting to parenthood and navigating sleep disturbances
Making decisions related to work-life balance, time, and finances
Navigating challenges related to the child's mental health and well-being
Navigating risk-taking and peer influences during the teen years
Balancing complex schedules and everyone's needs at once
However, parents these days are under all sorts of pressures that previous generations didn't have to contend with.
On top of the basic parenting challenges, including keeping kids safe from harm, financial stressors, and managing teenagers' need for growing independence, today's parents are navigating the complexity of:
Managing social media, which includes determining your family's values and rules about social media use
Growing concerns about youth mental health, which is complex in nature and can't solely be attributed to the use of social media (even though some say it is)
Disconnection and loneliness, which disproportionately affects young people and parents
Uncertainty and economic instability, making it harder to prepare kids and help them predict their own futures
"Comparison culture" content shared on social media, which can set unrealistic expectations related to parenting, family, and life in general - leading parents to experience guilt, shame, and beliefs that they're not good enough parents or even worse, that they're failing at parenting
Below is more data shared within this recent advisory to help paint an ever clearer picture of the current state of parental mental health and well-being today:
33% of parents experienced high levels of stress in the past month compared to 20% of other adults (this high level of stress preceded the COVID-19 pandemic, which did notably add additional stressors)
41% of parents say that most days they are so stressed they cannot function and 48% say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming
Between 2016 and 2019, those reporting coping “very well” with the demands of raising children decreased from 67.2% to 62.2%
66% of parents reported feeling consumed by worries regarding money compared to 39% of other adults
1 out of 4 parents said there have been times in the past year when they did not have enough money for basic needs, including money for food, rent, or mortgage
Due to the increasing number of hours per week parents are working (to make ends meet), parents continue to find it difficult to balance work commitments and stress with family responsibilities, which can lead to conflict, guilt, and burnout
Nearly 70% of parents say parenting is now more difficult than it was 20 years ago, with children’s use of technology and social media as the top two cited reasons
As technological and economic forces have reshaped the world at a rapid pace, parents may find it more difficult to prepare children for a future that is harder to anticipate
65% of parents and guardians, and 77% of single parents in particular, experienced loneliness, compared to 55% of non-parents
Parents who are caring for their own parent as well as a child under 18 report more significant financial (23.5% vs. 12.2%) and emotional difficulties (44.1% vs. 32.2%) than caregivers who do not
Nearly 3 out of 4 parents are extremely or somewhat worried that their child will struggle with anxiety or depression
Parents and caregiver face more stress when parenting a child with intellectual and/or developmental disabilities.
In the U.S., nearly one in five children ages 0-17 years have a special health care need, which includes those who have or are at increased risk for a chronic physical, developmental, behavioral, or emotional condition and need health services beyond that required by children generally. The most commonly reported conditions among children with special health care needs were: allergies, ADD/ ADHD, behavior/conduct conditions, asthma, anxiety, learning disability, and developmental delays.
Firearm-related injury has become the leading cause of death among U.S. children and adolescents ages 1-19 years old
School shootings, or the possibility of one, are a significant source of stress for 74%, or nearly three-quarters of parents
As you can see, many parents these days are finding parenting extremely difficult and stressful. Although I've shared lots of data and insights from this advisory, there's TONS more information I didn't cover (or else you'd be reading for an hour)! So, if you're interested in reading the advisory itself, click the links at the bottom of this article.
Parental Mental Health & Well-Being: Why it Matters
As a trained family therapist, I use the visual of a crib mobile to explain how the health and well-being of one family member can impact the whole family system.
Visualize a toy mobile with stuffed animals that hangs over a baby's crib. If one of the arms of that mobile is hanging too low or is off-balance, it impacts how the whole mobile moves - and it may even make the mobile unable to function.
In families, when one or more members of the family system isn't doing well, it often impacts how the whole family system functions. That is why it's important that everyone prioritizes their mental health and well-being - especially parents and caregivers.
Yet, as parents, we sometimes want to focus on the well-being of our kids without paying enough attention to our own well-being. However, just as a car can't run without gas or power, parents can't continue to run - or run well - without taking are of themselves, too.
Here are more insights to support why parental mental health and well-being matters:
A review of 108 studies (which included approximately 250,553 parents) found a significant association between food insecurity and symptoms of parental depression, anxiety, and stress
When stress is severe and/or prolonged, it can have a negative impact on mental health, physical health, and overall well-being
The health and well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children
The stresses that parents and caregivers experience today aren't just impacting them - they're impacting families and communities, as these stresses are directly and indirectly being passed on to children
The US Surgeon General's overall message about parental mental health and well-being is clear: Something has to change.
Ideally, society would create a culture in which parents and caregivers could thrive - not just survive. Also, we'd ideally start talking more openly and honestly about the stress and challenges that come with parenting so parents realize they're not alone in navigating these struggles. Finally, we'd stop perpetuating "perfection culture", especially via social media, and normalize the reality of parenting - messy feelings, tough experiences and all!
While some of the changes needed are outside of your immediate control, let's focus on what you DO have control over so you can recommit to taking care of your own mental health and well-being.
3 Tips for Taking Care of Your Mental Health & Well-Being as a Parent
These tips may seem like common sense, but I have yet to meet a parent who doesn't benefit from these reminders - including myself!
Care for your physical health. Even though parenting often requires juggling too many things with too little time, make it a priority to get enough sleep, eat foods that fuel you, and to move throughout the day. Using the car metaphor again, when you care for your body, your body will care for you - and help you get through the day-to-day stressors more effectively.
Care for your mental health. Caring for your mental health involves more than engaging in deep breathing exercises (such as box breathing and 5 finger breathing), stress management strategies, and living mindfully - all of which can help you manage daily stressors more effectively. It also includes connection with others - for support, fun, and simply to nurture your social health and well-being. And of course, if you're finding it hard to navigate stress, thoughts and feelings, it can be useful to reach out to a licensed mental health therapist (see links below). Remember, you don't have to wait until you're deep in struggle to reach out either!
Don't be afraid to use boundaries. Especially since some of these parenting stressors are outside of your control, using boundaries is one way to control what you can. Consider what work-life balance boundaries you might benefit from. For instance, I don't answer emails or do work after 7pm unless it's urgent. Enforce your own social media boundaries if you find that scrolling online increases your anxiety or negatively impacts your well-being (which might include leading to lots of wasted time that could be used doing something better for your well-being). And don't be afraid to say "no" to people and experiences either.
Resources to Help Support Your Mental Health & Well-Being as a Parent
Below are some of the many books, podcast episodes. and articles I've found helpful - ones you might also find useful as you recommit to caring for your mental health and well-being as a parent:
Books:
Work, Parent, Thrive by psychologist Yael Schonbrun, PhD
Autonomy-Supportive Parenting by psychologist Emily Edlynn, PhD
ACT for Burnout by psychologist Debbie Sorensen, PhD
Be Mighty by psychologist Jill Stoddard, PhD
My forthcoming book, Navigating the Overwhelm of Allergy Parenting
Podcast episodes:
Food Allergy Parenting Articles:
Locating a licensed mental health practitioner:
Note that due to licensing laws in the US, you'll need to locate a therapist licensed to work in your state, even if doing online or virtual therapy.
To locate therapists in other countries, look for online directories (similar to the ones below) that list licensed, qualified mental health therapists.
Read the US Surgeon General's Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-being of Parents:
*What is an advisory from the Surgeon General?
Per the advisory, "A Surgeon General’s Advisory is a public statement that calls the American people’s attention to an urgent public health issue and provides recommendations for how it should be addressed. Advisories are reserved for significant public health challenges that require the nation’s immediate awareness and action. This Advisory calls attention to the importance of parental stress, mental health and well-being, stressors unique to parenting, and the bidirectional relationship between parental mental health and child outcomes."
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